Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
