obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
