Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And then he peed in my hair
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