dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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