Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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