I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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