So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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