Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
