She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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