aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
