I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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