I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
