Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
