The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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