matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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