Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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