Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
