My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
