He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize