I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
