Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
