i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
