you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize