dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
