I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
