Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
