God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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