i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
