We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
