And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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