That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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