god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize