Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
