I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
