I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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