You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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