She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
