Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
