he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
