how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
