would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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