Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I need to stop coming to work sober
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
