Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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