I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
