I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
