I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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