Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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