Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
