WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
