The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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