i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
