Just fell off a train. Bad.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
