so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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