i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can I color on your dick again?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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