just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
