Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
