I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So vagazzling was a success
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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