If i come over, it means nothing
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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