Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
