I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
