I wish you could order shots online.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We need to get me chipped asap
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
