Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just found a bag of teeth...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
