So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
