Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
