So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
