I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
