she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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