He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have fence marks all over my body
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize