just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
