Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
