You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
