Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
