Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
